I’ve been reading a lot of posts written by mothers whose hearts are breaking. These women no longer hurt for their runaway spouse. They experience a hurt far greater than any heartbreak that comes from personal abandonment. It is the heartbreak that only a parent who truly, unselfishly, unconditionally, loves a hurting child knows. It is the heartbreak that comes from watching that child be rejected, refused, and in other ways treated cruelly by the one who should help them the most, their parent.
There is no pain like watching a child suffer whether that suffering comes from a bully at school or a parent who plays on his child’s emotions. There is also no way to take away that pain completely. Nothing short of a miraculous rejoining of Marriage, a truly committed family, and an erasure of memory will wipe the child’s pain away completely.
Today we want quick fixes, but quick fixes seldom last longterm. There are no sudden cures, no pills to pop, no instant gratification to take away the pain of having no dad around on Father’s Day, but there are things you can do to build slow steps toward a more solid future for both you and your child.
Celebrating Father’s Day when Dad’s not Around
- Not Every Dad Should Be Around – OUCH! This is a hard one! Today, society tends to promote the belief that any dad is better than no dad and any time spent with a child is better than no time spent with a child and at least paying child support or seeing a child a few times a week is being a good dad. This is simply not true. Some dads are just selfish, hurtful, and disruptive. Don’t waste time being sorry for someone who isn’t mature enough to suck up the hard times and find good in all situations. There are plenty of moms (and children) out there right now wishing they were together instead of in court enforced visitation.
- Find a Good Man – Haha Yeah, I know what you’re thinking…easier said than done! LOL I KNOW! Trust me. I know! But what I mean is this: Surround yourself with QUALITY Men. Make your interactions in person and online count by hanging out with only people who are truly honorable. Don’t waste your time with someone you wouldn’t want your daughter to spend her life with or your son to grow to be. If you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, what do the men in your life say about you? It can be hard to find a good man in person, but despite all the bad relationships technology encourages, it can also be used to find faith-filled, Good people, Men and Women! Don’t LIVE online, but use technology to reassure you that there are Good Men out there. Use these Men to strengthen your convictions and don’t settle or compromise core values.
- Sacrifice a Tiny Bit to Say Thank You – Having a hard time finding real life heroes for your children? Volunteer at a Veteran’s Hospital. Start on Father’s Day! There are many Good Men (and Women!) who have given much to provide you and your children freedom and opportunities if you choose to actively, unfailingly pursue them! If you have a VA Hospital near you ask to visit those being treated there. Bring cookies or home drawn cards. Many of these Men are there for months with few visitors. We had to move several years ago, but I used to bring my boys to celebrate a holiday once a month, and it’s something I look forward to doing again soon! We’d have fun making celebrations up in months like August with few well-known holidays. At first, it was a little awkward. People, nurses and patients both, looked at us a little funny. I think they didn’t believe we’d really come back, but I figured these special patients had gone way out of their comfort zone for us, we could go out of our comfort zones for them! After about six months, they were almost like family, and we loved seeing them as much as they loved seeing us! What a great way to teach your children about strength, sacrifice, courage, honor, freedom, and love of country!
- Turn to God – It’s easy to feel alone especially on holidays like Father’s Day. It matters little whether you’re a single Mom through abandonment, illness, death, a spouse who is serving overseas, or for many other reasons. The Truth is you are not alone. The Bible tells us over and over that God cares for widows and orphans. I have a lot of faith and don’t expect all my clients to feel the same way, but I do believe, especially in times like this, believing just makes sense. Helping a child understand that, while his earthly father has imperfections and has fallen in his duties for whatever reason, he has a Father in Heaven who watches out for him, who protects him even while he sleeps, and who Loves him unconditionally always and forever without fail even when He answers “no” sometimes as all fathers do can be nothing but Good for the child who so desperately wants a Father’s Love.
Reminding yourself that God is your Father and Loves you as His child also wouldn’t be such a bad idea either! Wish Him a special Happy Father’s Day today. You won’t be disappointed!
Happy Father’s Day
& God Bless…
If you’d like to parent positively and powerfully, contact me today. As a mom of five boys who has taught kindergarten through high school, has a Masters in Education/Curriculum Development, and started her own international test prep business, I know cookie cutter solutions don’t work. You need to find what works for you! I LOVE working with families to discover The Right Path for them!
Together, we will get you unstuck and propel you forward – I bet you’ll even have fun doing it!
Can’t wait to hear from you!